trysynergism.org

As per the titular cutlery explosive, I’ve been feeling like I have too much processing all buzzing around at once. I don’t really have an outlet for this (aside from violent video games and harsh language), so I sometimes consider obliterating my online presence and laying low for a while - but then I think: to what end? What purpose could that possibly serve aside from annoying some people (including myself)?

My recent Internet outage has shown me I’m completely and hopelessly addicted to being online, had I any doubt otherwise. No really, it was painful and sad. Me crying over a keyboard, aghast at how little I was now able to do with a computer without a functioning tube to the other tubes.

I was about to make an information superhighway joke here, but I punched myself in the chest instead and so diverted the pain I would cause anyone reading this post.

It’s clear my problem stems from computers: as anyone about me can attest, I both love and hate the stupid wonderful pieces of shit. They bring equal parts of joy, wonder, annoyance, frustration and disgust into my life. Sometimes I think I understand them, and then they go out of their little digital way to show me how very wrong I was. For whatever incredible reason, I work with them every day. And wouldn’t you know it, it just had to be Windows.

I try really hard to avoid OS zealotry, but I can’t help the occasional leak; Windows just makes me so mad. Nothing works like it should and it breaks for virtually no reason, ALL THE DAMN TIME. Someone will read this and say “NO IT DOESN’T YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG,” and I will first laugh at them for saying things in capital letters with no punctuation and then proceed to explain that they’re probably a special and unique snowflake of computing if they’ve kept a Windows box problem-free for any amount of time.

I fix people’s computers. Almost every problem I come across is some fucking stupid .dll or “NTLDR not found” or a variation of the same garbage. It’s like we picked the most painful operating system to use on purpose. There must be some kind of penitent thing going on outside of the business monopoly.

This has descended into rambling and I’m tired and have to get up for work in seven hours, so I’ll sum up: SCOTT HATE DUMB MAGIC BOX BUT ALSO KISS IT SOMETIMES

The morning after is never pretty, but Zina Saunders sure makes some purty pictures:

Oh yeaaahhhhh...seemed like a good idea at the time

GOOD QUESTION KID!

This is the ultimate way to go at the whole gay marriage issue: we wouldn’t want to confuse our alarmingly stupid children! Heck, let’s get rid of math while we’re at it. I find it endumbening!

I’m constantly at war with myself over the things I post online - it’s a sad war where I hit myself in the thigh and make little whimpering noises, but it’s still a war!

Common knowledge says anonymity is a fleeting thing thanks to the grease* of Internet detectives stalking about, harvesting email addresses from decade-old Geocities pages and taking photographs of the exterior of people’s houses. Since I usually don’t take any pains to disguise myself (aside from that zorro mask) or my writing, I definitely leave myself open to recognition. It’s not that I’m overly afraid of this happening, but it does put a damper on the things I’ll talk about.

Heck, I think my Facebook account links here. I don’t even remember and am far too full of the sloth to check.

This holds me back - for example, I’ll never talk about a job I’m currently working for fear of discovery somewhere down the line. It’s not that I expect people are looking for things, but there’s always the potential that they *could* be discovered some day. Again, I’m not really career-driven or anything (shock) (surprise), but just in case I decide I want to go that route, I don’t want a future employer reading about the coke binge I went on recently. That was hypothetical: I did not go on a binge. Ever, no coke binges.

No seriously I don’t even know where to get coke so don’t ask me.

With this self-imposed restriction in mind, it feels as though I’m censoring myself in a medium made for honest expression. Working within the confines of this filter is a little annoying at times: it’s like having someone say “Tell me what you REALLY think,” and I just go “uuuuhhhhh,” and look away like I’m shy or something and toe at the floor with my ugly shoe.

Creating an anonymous blog to toss my inner thoughts out would be easy enough, but for some reason I always lose interest in those endeavors. Maybe I feel like I should take responsibility for the things I write?

* This seems an apt description for a group of Internet detectives!

Perhaps you misread: I said October 14th you lazy whores. Lowest voter turnout ever. More Harper government. What is wrong with you people? I don’t even know who I’m talking to here!

The more time passes the more I realize just how out of step with society I’m getting. Not in a “ho ho I am a civilized man of cosmopolitan means” sort of way, but with a “I really don’t get what the hell you people are thinking and your choice in clothes is perplexing” sort.

I didn’t even ask you to vote for someone in particular, just that you VOTE. I’m not delusional to the extent that I think anyone is really reading this blog (both in general and for political advice), but…I mean…COME ON.

Is there anyone out there who voted Conservative that can rationalize why? And more importantly, is there anyone who didn’t vote at all (and was eligible) that can tell me why they didn’t?

What a gigantic waste of time and money this was. It didn’t have to be, but it was.

THAT’S IT I’M MOVING TO AUSTRALIA NEW ZEALAND

P.S. I still don’t have a picture of one of those EJack ULayton signs so it’s been a pretty depressing day overall.
P.P.S. Also I had a dream about Molotov Cocktease last night and when I woke up that was sad.
P.P.P.S. This is what I’m talking about:

I need to find one of these costumes

Holla e-friends! (or e-enemies based on twitter spam I guess)

I need to make this post to “claim my blog”.

Undergoing MyBlogLog Verification

In other news, I just voted. The whole process took less time than making toast.

Please don’t read this blog entry! I apologize for the spam tweets but I’ve been tweaking things.

Online things, you pervert.

My fellow Canadians,

It’s October 14th, 2008, and for some ca-razy reason, it’s election time again! Please do the BARE MINIMUM you can do to participate in this big cold democracy and go vote. It’s really, really easy. If you don’t like any of your choices, vote for the lesser evil. Just make sure you exercise your right to vote.

You should get more exercise in general too, fatty.

P.S. I’m still looking for a picture of the defaced NDP signs that read “EJack ULayton.” If anyone can send me such a thing, I will be forever* in your debt.

* forever is a short time thanks to my horrible memory

Bobert is an IRC bot who sits in a channel I frequent, waiting to hear his name spoken. When summoned, he provides ageless wisdom and insight. The IRC channel isn’t exactly public, but I feel that people need to hear these golden words, especially in the trying times of the modern age.

I’ve created a script that extracts a random line from a log of Bobert’s words (currently 4106 lines as of this writing) and tosses it in the header to this website. I hope it encourages you to visit daily, because although I might not have anything to say, I guarantee you that Bobert will.

Bobert Bobert Bobert